What does it look like to be young and queer? In many cases, children who come out as being queer are punished by their parents. In severe cases, these children can be kicked out of their homes, all because of their identity. Growing up isn’t easy, and it is made more difficult when you are struggling with your gender or sexuality. Today, I discuss these topics with Jessica Bryne (name changed), a first-year student at Toronto Metropolitan University who identifies as queer. Jessica also has a fifteen-year-old younger brother who is bisexual and transgender.
When asked how she reacted to her younger brother coming out as transgender, Jessica says, “He had already started going by they/them pronouns, so when he came out as he/him, it wasn’t that big of a change for me. It definitely affected my family a lot more.”
Jessica’s parents did not take the news as well as she did. “Both my parents were just like, it’s a phase, he’s confused, [and] didn’t really understand it. And then [they] did not really make an attempt to use the proper pronouns.”
Jessica acknowledges that it can be incredibly difficult to start using different pronouns for a person, especially when it’s your child who you’ve known as one gender their whole life. However, in these situations, it is always best to react supportively. If the person is willing, you may wish to ask questions and gather more information about their identity.
When asked about why she believes the older generation can be less accepting of the queer community, Jessica responds, “All of this sort of LGBTQ+ community stuff has only more recently become recognized, [so] I think it’s just a thing of age.”
Jessica describes what family means to her, explaining that family can be anyone who feels like home. She identifies traits such as being understanding, listening, understanding what mental health issues are, and being supportive of one another.
She adds,
“I think that’s why my friends feel more like a family, […] they’re sort of more like that to me than my actual family.” — Jessica
Being an LGBTQ+ parent is not something new, either. Almost three and a half million children under eighteen have an LGBTQ+ parent, which is clear evidence that many queer people are having children. It is a normal occurrence, and the children of these parents grow up to lead normal, happy lives. Many queer couples decide to have children who are biologically related to them, and this can be done through a variety of options. In fact, the Canadian government will pay for one round of IVF if the patient cannot conceive naturally due to infertility, which includes “non-medical” infertility caused by sexual orientation. Same-sex couples are seven times more likely to foster or adopt than different-sex couples.
It is an incredibly large asset to have queer people who are willing to adopt and foster children, though laws in many countries prevent LGBTQ+ families from adopting or fostering children due to discriminatory beliefs and prejudices.
On people who don’t believe LGBTQ+ people can have families, Jessica retaliates: “It’s so crazy to see, still now, people who are in their 20s who are still like, I don’t think queer people should be able to get married. It doesn’t make any sense to me. It’s literally no different [than heterosexual couples], it’s just different genders—that’s it.”
Jessica admits she is fortunate to have not experienced much homophobia in her life. However, she says she had a friend who was kicked out of her house in grade nine, because her parents discovered she was a lesbian. Many adults undermine children or teenagers who come out as LGBTQ+, and Jessica explains that some will say, “You guys are too young to understand what you’re going through,” and believes many people take queer adults more seriously.
Jessica explains what she would tell other young queer people like herself: “It’s always okay to figure things out. It’s okay to change between different sexualities.”