{"id":916,"date":"2024-07-07T03:00:16","date_gmt":"2024-07-07T03:00:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nych.ca\/cms\/?post_type=news&#038;p=916"},"modified":"2025-04-07T23:23:23","modified_gmt":"2025-04-07T23:23:23","slug":"the-one-about-how-are-you","status":"publish","type":"news","link":"https:\/\/nych.ca\/cms\/news\/the-one-about-how-are-you\/","title":{"rendered":"The One About &#8220;How Are You?&#8221;"},"content":{"rendered":"<p id=\"yui_3_17_2_1_1689014370201_699\" class=\"\">We start most of our conversations with\u00a0&#8220;Hi! How are you?&#8221; It is so common that sometimes we\u00a0don\u2019t\u00a0even realize we are asking a question.<\/p>\n<p class=\"\">To\u00a0clarify,\u00a0the intention behind\u00a0asking \u201chow are you?\u201d is great because it is an attempt\u00a0to connect\u00a0and\/or\u00a0express\u00a0genuine kindness and interest into someone\u2019s life.\u00a0 However, what happens in many instances\u00a0is\u00a0that instead of\u00a0disclosing\u00a0how we\u00a0really\u00a0feel,\u00a0our responses\u00a0to \u201chow are you?\u201d\u00a0tend to be\u00a0filtered\u00a0with replies\u00a0such\u00a0as:\u00a0\u201cI\u2019m doing okay, thanks\u2026 how are you?\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m\u00a0good.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0This\u00a0can happen for various reasons:<\/p>\n<ul data-rte-list=\"default\">\n<li>\n<p class=\"\">We believe that the \u201cI\u2019m good, thanks\u201d response is what the person asking would prefer to hear<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<p class=\"\">We don\u2019t feel emotionally safe to disclose how we are\u00a0<em>really<\/em>\u00a0feeling<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul data-rte-list=\"default\">\n<li>\n<p class=\"\">We didn\u2019t grow up in environments where talking about ourselves or how we felt was a common practice<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<p class=\"\">We believe we might burden others or create discomfort for the listener\u00a0if we disclose how we are\u00a0<em>really<\/em>\u00a0doing<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<p class=\"\">The interaction may have happened in passing (e.g. walking by each other in the hallway) and therefore meant to be more of a greeting rather than a conversation<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<p class=\"\">We\u00a0have\u00a0past experiences of\u00a0when\u00a0our feelings were\u00a0discounted or minimized and no longer want to take a risk<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<p class=\"\">We just\u00a0don\u2019t\u00a0want to talk about it\u00a0(and that is okay!)<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul data-rte-list=\"default\">\n<li>\n<p class=\"\">Responding with \u201cfine\/good\u201d is\u00a0the\u00a0safest option\u00a0for us\u00a0(and that is valid!)<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<p class=\"\">\u2026and maybe we\u00a0<em>really\u00a0<\/em>are \u201c\u2026doing okay\/good\u201d and\u00a0that is\u00a0all we want to share\u00a0(and\u00a0that is\u00a0enough!)<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p class=\"\">What\u00a0seems to create even more challenges when trying to respond to\u00a0\u201chow are you?\u201d\u00a0is when\u00a0a life-changing event (i.e. pandemic) has created a multitude of conflicted and confusing feelings, experiences, thoughts, information, emotions, memories, coping skills, exposure and so on\u00a0(side note:\u00a0these are\u00a0normal\u00a0reactions to life-changing events\/experiences).<\/p>\n<p class=\"\">In addition to this, if we are also experiencing flooded emotions and experiences\u00a0ourselves, we may not be\u00a0mentally or emotionally ready\u00a0to hold space for someone\u00a0who wants to respond to our \u201chow are you?\u201d\u00a0 I think it\u00a0is important to keep our\u00a0own\u00a0needs and limitations\u00a0in mind\u00a0as well.<\/p>\n<p class=\"\">However, if you are interested in connecting in other ways than \u201chow are you?\u201d and have the capacity to receive responses, the following are\u00a0a few\u00a0\u201chow are you?\u201d\u00a0substitutes\u00a0you can try:\u00a0\u00a0(tip: asking about individual experiences can create more connection)<\/p>\n<ul data-rte-list=\"default\">\n<li>\n<p class=\"\">\u201cYou\u00a0have been on mind. How\u00a0did\u00a0 ___________ go?\u201d\u00a0(maybe they had mentioned an upcoming event the last time you connected and now you can ask about it)<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<p class=\"\">\u201cWould love to hear what you have been up to?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<p class=\"\">\u201cI was thinking about you the other day and remembered ____________________.\u201d\u00a0(maybe there was a previous conversation you had and now you are following-up)<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<p class=\"\">\u201cWhat have you done for yourself today (or in the last week)?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<p class=\"\">\u201cLast time we connected I remember you mentioning ________________. Would love to hear more about that.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul data-rte-list=\"default\">\n<li>\n<p class=\"\">\u201cWhat have you been\u00a0interested in\u00a0lately?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<p class=\"\">\u201cWhat did you appreciate this week?\u201d\u00a0OR\u00a0\u201cWhen did\u00a0you feel most appreciated\u00a0today\/this past week?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<p class=\"\">\u201cWhat are you looking forward to [this\u00a0summer, fall, week,\u00a0weekend\u00a0etc.]?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<p class=\"\">\u201cDoes anyone have something they would like to share?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<p class=\"\">\u201cWhat are some things that have been on your mind(s)\u00a0lately?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul data-rte-list=\"default\">\n<li>\n<p class=\"\">\u201cWhat\u00a0made you smile today\/this week?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<p class=\"\">\u201cWhat is something interesting that happened since the last time we spoke\/connected?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<p class=\"\">\u00a0\u201cWhat surprised you this month?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<p class=\"\">\u201cHello there! SO great to see you!\u201d<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<p class=\"\">Following up \u201cHow are you?\u201d with \u201cHow are you\u00a0<em>really<\/em>\u00a0feeling\/doing?\u201d\u00a0(tip: please be mindful of your own emotional capacity when asking this question\u00a0to ensure you can hold space for someone who chooses to disclose)<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p class=\"\">If\u00a0you\u00a0would prefer to continue\u00a0asking\u00a0\u201cHow are you?\u201d &#8211;\u00a0please\u00a0do!\u00a0 Remember,\u00a0connecting\u00a0in any way you can is\u00a0encouraged!<\/p>\n<p class=\"\">And\u00a0most importantly,\u00a0let\u2019s be mindful by remembering\u00a0not everyone feels safe or comfortable responding regardless of the question asked!<\/p>\n<p class=\"\">We each have our own comfort levels and\u00a0that\u2019s\u00a0okay!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Mental Health &#038; Wellness Lead, Doreen Khamo, prompts us to dig deeper when checking in with friends and family.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"featured_media":917,"parent":0,"template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false},"categories":[74,24],"class_list":["post-916","news","type-news","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mental-health-and-wellness","category-resources"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/nych.ca\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/news\/916","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/nych.ca\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/news"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/nych.ca\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/news"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nych.ca\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/917"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/nych.ca\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=916"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nych.ca\/cms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=916"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}